No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
