When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
