i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
