Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
