Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
