I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize