My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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