I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
