weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
