Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So much rum. So many feels.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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