I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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