I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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