Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
