what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
