I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
operation have a gay friend backfired
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
