she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize