The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
