I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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