My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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