Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
