So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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