the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
