If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
