She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
