Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think I just sharted jello shots
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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