but the lizard people decide everything anyway
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
