Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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