It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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