Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Randomize
