I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
