After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
never play flip cup with pint glasses
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
