My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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