dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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