Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
