My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
