He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
