So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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