WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't deserve a penis
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My vagina is officially offended.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
