i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
