I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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