I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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