If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
