yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
