I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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