Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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