I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
