I wish I could punch you in the face.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
