...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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