we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you didnt know i had herpes?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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