took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
