alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
