I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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