This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
