There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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