bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
