I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
