I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
