Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize