walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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