I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you would pick up someone in the library
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize