That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
