my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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