vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
