I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
