quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize