Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
