i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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