my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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