Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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