I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
