Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
