Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
