Someone shattered a urinal.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
