you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
