come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
