I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
