i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
