I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
