guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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