So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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