Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
