those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize